The Grace of God in a Kitten

‘Zatara’ means ‘driftwood’ in Spanish, according to The Count of Monte Cristo and sounds pretty fierce, according to the character given the nickname. I told Kendrick that if we ever got a kitten, this is what we would name her. When we found our Zatara – obviously I knew, the instant I laid eyes on her photo on Facebook! – she was called ‘Amorita’, Spanish for ‘little love’ by her foster mom. So her full name, Zatara Amorita, means love drifting towards us and washing up on the shores of our lives. And that is exactly what she has been, a treasure coming in from the sea of God’s love.

Growing up, at friends’ sleepovers I would follow their cats around, seeking a moment of affection and fascinated by their natures so different from the dogs I had known. They would let me pet them briefly before disappearing to wherever it is that cats go, through some time dimensional portal or something. My mother and I are allergic – and my dad emotionally allergic (dad confirm please?) – so it was only ever dogs for us.

The grace of God in a kitten is her fluff and her consistent purr. In our adult ways, insisting on working our fingers to the bone and then having a sad face about it too when we’re home, a kitten is incongruous with her continual playfulness. She pounces and swipes and leaps with a power unexpected in such scrawny legs. Her curiosity turns anything into a toy – pens, 10c coins, hairclips, paper clips – not much is safe from those sweetly padded paws and those eyes that are black saucers of mischievousness. She’s come into our lives when I’ve most needed to meet a kitten: a sponge to soak up and give back uncomplicated and unquestioning affection.

As God loves me in a way I’ll never know because I’m simply less than Him, this creature I’ve bought – with money that she will never understand – and forced to live in a house – in a rental system she’ll never understand – is completely adored by me for her whiskers, black fuzziness and golden eyes – beauty that she hasn’t the notion of.

The grace of God in a kitten is the bond between man and beast, dominion over creation with stewardship that is meaningful and rewarding, even if you are forking out large sums of money for cat scratchers for the sake of the furniture.

Here’s to my first cat, who will be loved and gives love and is to me a perfect animal.

Vanity:humility

Vanity:humility

The vanity in believing they will read it -  the humility in thinking no one will
The vanity in thinking you can write the world  - the humility in sitting alone in a room
The vanity is recording truth – the humility in searching for truth
The vanity in believing you will finish – the humility of a word at a time
The vanity in I write what I like – the humility in another might see it

Then when romping vanity and wandering humility cross paths they freeze in fright
But wise created creator must breathe in both vanity and humility, one in each nostril, and out of her mouth breathe out the ambiguous tension between them:
A pencil line brazenly marking pages – to be erased, hidden at any time.

Route 90: Poor in Spirit

Route 90
3ci is on our third week of a ninety day reading plan through the New Testament. It has been exciting to open my Bible and know that what I'm going to read is the same thing everyone else in the church is reading that day. We are together listening to God, getting deeper into a knowledge of Him through the power that is His word.

The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of gold and silver pieces

Psalm 119:72

We are learning to value, enjoy and absorb the things He has said to us!

The Sermon on the Mount
Today we read Matthew chapters 5 - 7 - known as Jesus' Sermon on the Mount. (Holla at my Red Point peeps who are doing a whole series through the Sermon on the Mount.)
When Mahatma Gandhi was asked what text he would carry with him if he could only carry one written piece, out of all of literature Gandhi replied, the Sermon on the Mount. I would like to reflect on one verse out of these very potent 3 chapters.

Martyn Lloyd-Jones, minister of Westminster Chapel, taught through the Sermon on the Mount and these preaches were transcribed into a book of 600 pages. One of my favourite chapters was on Matthew 5:2:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for their's is the kingdom of heaven.

Two things first:
1. The word "blessed" in the Amplified version of the Bible is expounded like this:

"happy, to be envied, spiritually prosperous, with life-giving joy and satisfaction in God's favour and salvation regardless of their outward conditions."

and this may be read the same for all of the Beatitudes (verse 2 - 11 beginning with 'blessed').
2.Sometimes when reading through the Beatitudes, it's easy to ascribe them to someone else - ag shame, that one mourning, she will be comforted. Actually, the Sermon on the Mount is Jesus' painting of the ideal Christian, with the Beatitudes being 8 descriptions that should always and increasingly apply to us. (This is such a good thing; I would like the meaning of 'blessed' to apply to me!)

Poor in Spirit
Poor in spirit in the Amplified version of the Bible is expounded as:

the humble, who rate themselves as insignificant.

I'm not sure why this picture is here.
 But it is cool like you.

The following are quotes from Martyn Lloyd-Jones about this verse:

• it at once condemns every idea of the Sermon on the Mount which thinks of it in terms of something that you and I can do ourselves. It condemns at the very outset the view which regards the Sermon on the Mount as a program for man to put into operation immediately, just as he is.

• What are Lord is concerned about here is the spirit: in other words, it is ultimately a man's attitude towards himself.

• If one feels anything in the presence of God saw an utter poverty of spirit, it ultimately means you have never faced Him.

• to be 'poor in spirit' does not mean you were born like that.

• The man who is poor in spirit need not worry so much about his personal appearance and the impression he makes, he always gives the right impression.

• Jesus became a man, He took upon Him, 'the likeness of sinful flesh.' Though He was equal to god, He did not clutch at the prerogatives of His Godhead. He decided that while He was here on earth He would live as a man, though He was still God, and this was the result. He said, "I can do nothing of myself." It is the God-man speaking. "I can do nothing of myself." He said also, "The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does His works." i.e."I can do do nothing, I am utterly dependent upon Him. That is it. And look at His prayer life. It is as you watch Him praying and realize the hours spent in prayer that you see His poverty of Spirit and His reliance upon God. ...

• That then is what is meant by being poor in Spirit. It means a complete absence of pride, a complete absence of self-assurance,of self-reliance. It means a consciousness that we are nothing in the presence of God.

• If we are truly Christian, we shall not rely upon our natural birth...we shall not believe in and rely upon our natural position in life... we shall not rely on our own morality and conduct and good behaviour. We shall not bank to the slightest extent on the life we have lived or are trying to live,

• How does one become poor in spirit? The answer is that you do not look at yourself or begin by trying to do things yourself.

• The way to become poor in spirit is to look at God...read His law ... contemplate standing before Him.

In light of what God is wanting to do with 3ci, for us to wait and receive the Holy Spirit, I would ask us to go on our knees and let Him make us poor in spirit.

Please add your thoughts!

Bride of Christ

She is getting ready for the wedding and Jesus said she must have the most beautiful dress and nothing less. It is a glowing, bright white. A huge ballgown skirt - we exclaim, it's too much! but he insists also on a dazzling crown, studded with many jewels and a necklace dripping with diamonds. He's paying for it, so He insists. She is purity and she is dignity, she walks straight-backed down the aisle and she cannot look away from the groom's eyes, He waits patiently in His fierce love. His eyes are a mesmerising fire, the Lion of Judah awaiting His bride.

The Great Sanctification

"First clean the inside of the cup, then the outside will also be clean."

This past holiday saw me doing some very deep spring cleaning in my bedroom. It began with a thought of file organizing but my heart was soon sinking in recognition of the task as a proverbial iceberg: I was out of storage space.

Clutter is inconveniently claustrophobic, and I do not like the constant visual reminders of my disorganized state of living. So I put the mess where I cannot see it. A friend once watching me tidy my room, said: "You know, shoving it in your cupboard does not count as tidying." This was a startling revelation since shoving things out of sight was my cleaning method of choice. My cupboards were consequently bulging open, I had to use an elastic band to keep the doors in a simulated state of closure. Another friend, who is particularly vocal about his dislike of uncleanliness - the topic comes up at least three times a visit - had a glimpse once into that black hole and burst out with a shocked remark on its despicable state, to which I cringed, "Don't look!". I respected both of my more disciplined friends' opinions but it was only when I visited a third friend and saw the inside of her cupboards hat I realised where I fell in the greater scheme of personal organization.

I was curious as to what I would find in the stomach of that beast, behind the voluminous gaping jaws of my cupboard.  There are things that I need and use everyday so what could be using that space? It took me 7 hours to sift through the admittedly small cupboards as well as my two bookshelves and desk. The turning out of junk sent me into an absolute cleaning frenzy, tossing the useless poppycock into piles and into the bin. In the end a vast pile of paper was to be recycled - including writing books from grade one?! - and a box and a large carry-bag of donations to be taken to Hospice. All of that I have retained despite three house moves in the past. What exactly was it made up of? I still cannot say. I did however find some gems, the best of which was a diary I had kept when I was thirteen.

What I did not expect from my adventure was the spiritual high and emotional elation of getting rid of useless stuff. Actually knowing what is in my cupboards: kick of dopamine. Being able to stand against my cupboard door and spread my arms flat: I almost began to cry. Every time I look over at my newly organized bookshelf, I feel a neat and pious thrill of satisfaction piercing my heart... Now I understand.

*

The sun shields us from the strangeness of the stars with her bright blue joy
I agonise until the sky blackens over with night's relief
Remorse: I lie awake to greet their peak - but sleep blurs my mortal vision from their splendour,  I'll never know it.

And you: elusive, waking dream, too strange/wonderful for me.
You are the sun too bright to see,
You are the stars too subtle.

5a.m. Haiku

The morning sky is
Lightening at her edges
Like blossoming hope.